The Man in The Shed

 9th March Dynamo Kiev - Russian roulette

Well this didn’t work out quite as planned. I should have been ensconced in my usual Shed seat and here I was in front of a laptop in a Travelodge in Buckinghamshire !

They say it is dangerous to make assumptions and here I was “suffering” because I assumed (naturally) that the home leg of our Europa League last 16 tie would be the second one. After agreeing to take my long suffering football widow on a two day trip for some R&R I realised that in fact the home game was actually this week. So here I am with a laptop lashed up to my phone to get an internet connection and BT sport delivering a picture akin to one of those dubious foreign websites that show Premier league games surrounded by messages telling me that my flash player is out of date (again).

Well at least it was clear enough to tell the difference between the blue shirted players and the white ones – even if I could barely tell the blue ones apart. So the first 15 minutes went well. The game was being played exclusively in their end of the pitch. And Pedro was having another one of those games where he couldn’t seem to do anything wrong. His reward was soon evident with a great give and go with Giroud and through the keeper’s legs – one nil.

It was yet another reminder of what a great hold up player Giroud can be. On a good day the ball seems to stick to him and he will then often provide a great layoff for another player to create a chance or score a goal. And so it proved tonight.

As far as I could tell the remainder of the half played out in much the same way. Pedro could have had a hat-trick but for the keeper or a slightly more clinical finish. Kiev were offering nothing in the attacking half. It was difficult to tell on occasion as the side effect of the variable wireless connection was a kind of random slow-motion effect which cropped up randomly.

So half time arrived and my only worry had been just how much mobile data I had got through. Exceeding your data limit can be damaging to your credit card. With this in mind I shut down the link and switched my attention to my half time break – fish and chips out of the wrapping paper. I was hoping that the team were consuming something more appropriate.

Well the first five minutes of the second half I’m sure were much the same as the first half – I don’t know as I missed it trying to get the internet working again. The game had dropped into a fairly settled pattern, much like my BT Sport reception. Lots of possession and not much end product barring another Pedro chance.

And then we get another free kick in ideal range. Up steps Willian and curls it brilliantly into the corner. Keeper no chance. I bet Barkley was miffed. Had that happened a few minutes earlier he would have still been on the pitch and could have repeated his recent free kick goal from pretty much the same place. I had to laugh at the Kiev keeper making very visible animated gestures to his team mates along the lines of “why didn’t you jump three feet higher to block that”.

So things were now looking much healthier for the return leg. Let’s just try and keep a clean sheet – which is pretty much what the players must have started thinking as we then proceeded to go through another mini panic. Kiev finally show some offensive threat, Kepa drops the ball again and the defence start playing like PlayStation players. Somehow we get through this and then out of nothing we break away and more fine work from Pedro to Rubey who unselfishly passes to Hudson-Odoi to score yet again.

So that’s it - three nil – I’d have happily settled for that before the game and even the wireless link held firm (even if it has cost me as much as a ticket to the game in data charges).

Well in recap, I’ve learned not to take the home leg of the Europa league for granted and to organise my Wi-Fi access more thoroughly. And not to expect my team to look solid for the whole 90 minutes even if the opposition aren’t top notch.

Up next – Wolves !

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